I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
