I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
