I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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