They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
