fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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