Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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