I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
