my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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