Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
