Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
