Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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