I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He shit in the fireplace
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize