I didn't shave. On purpose
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
