i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
