Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
