My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize