i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
