don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
