I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
