Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
time to smoke my breakfast
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
