Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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