Taylor Swift is so right about you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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