Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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