I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
