She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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