Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
