dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think my tv is drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
