did you get engaged???
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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