i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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