White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
