you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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