I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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