Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
