she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
