Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
