You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
