i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize