u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
