In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
