i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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