Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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