I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
