Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Girls should come with a carfax report
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
