Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
