So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
