We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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