Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
