Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
