Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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