she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
