A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
