Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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