im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
