mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
