did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
