Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
