for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So vagazzling was a success
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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