I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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