I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
