last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
