I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize