The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
