see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
